Hundreds of short kings across the country fly to Vegas to have their legs broken and rods inserted so they can grow 3 to 6 inches taller
front (guy on the left) after (always the guy on the left)
Wild and wild GQ stuff and it’s a long (and good) read above, but I’ll throw out the highlights:
– People fly to Vegas for surgeries where they literally have both femurs broken by a chisel-like instrument to grow 3 inches taller
– The doctor drills a 2-foot-long drill directly through the femur and inserts a rod into the femur
– Some kind of remote-controlled magnet moves the rod one millimeter every day for 90 days so that the bone continues to heal into a longer bone (it’s hard to say but you get the gist)
– If 3 inches isn’t enough, you can also go back and break your shins and go for 3 inches more for a grand total of 6 inches
– The complete healing process of the femurs takes about a year and costs between $70,000 and $150,000.
Now…before expressing my thoughts, I should preface that I am not one of those vertically afflicted. I’m a 6ft 1in squishy who loves the many thrills of the weather here and likes to tell people I’m 6ft 2in. Sue me.
I saw this story this morning and gave one of the halflings in this company a good 3-4 hours to blog what I saw as a surefire click and none of those Eddie Gaedels walked over to the plate. Kind of shocking in this suddenly hyper-competitive blogging world we live in that a part-timer like me could take advantage of this. Maybe my clickbait compass is off but probably not. We will see.
Anyway… let’s get to the story…
It seems like a no-brainer for anyone whose best sporting days are behind them. And if you’re a hooper just south of the 7 foot mark, it might be worth it ASAP. Doc says you’ll probably lose a step, but 3 (or 6) inches could be the difference between a $64 million deal with Ian Mahinmi and sitting on your couch. It is certainly worth thinking about.
But seriously. In this post-COVID era where you can work remotely and not see a soul for weeks and months at a time, the sacrifices made are minimal. You can disappear for a while and come out with a new man. And the financial end is really not that prohibitive. One of these guys funds the whole operation and pays $1,200 a month over 5 years to do it. For what the benefits are, it’s nothing. If anything, this doctor is screwing it up by not charging much more to get it done.
The most important thing, and this is where I throw all the little kings a bone (no pun intended but totally intentional), is that the energy of a little guy in a big guy body is a dangerous thing for all of us 6 foot naturals. You little kings have been there to work and train and get in shape and develop all sorts of soft skills just to get by. During this time, I spent my whole life on minimal effort, a plasticine body and a jaded personality achieving decent results. The second all the short kings get to my literal level, that’s it for me. I remain in the dust. I’m exhausted.
So I implore that doctor in Vegas…please make the cost of this thing more prohibitive. And certainly don’t accept offers from many to franchise your practice and let it become a nationwide trend. We have an ecosystem in place here. You cannot go around in circles and overthrow this ecosystem willy-nilly. It would be chaos in the streets. I live a very cushy life in my ivory tower and I would like that to continue.